We are on the precipice of the summer solstice and the more uprising yang energy of making plans to travel, visit friends and family, and busyness is apparent. I recently received an invite from my cousin for her destination wedding in Europe. It arrived at a time when I’ve been considering the concept and different meanings and aspects of the word DESTINATION . The etymology of destination is from Latin- destinationem. Destinatio- “purpose / design” and destinare – “determine, a point, choose, make firm or fast.”
Indeed, destination plans tend to be very purposeful, have an end/ arrival point to them, and we usually don’t plan on detouring from that destination unless something arises that was unexpected. Having a destination, for example, for a vacation location or a hike we are taking can be very helpful and very necessary in terms of knowing where we are headed. However, there are times when our intent on arriving at a destination can create some rigidity and lack of flexibility on our part. The result of this can mean the destination can become of a bit of an addiction. Have you ever thought for example, “I should be further along than I am now?” Or “when I arrive at this benchmark in my life ( get married / buy a house/ get that degree) then I will be happy and things will be the way they’re supposed to be.”
This fixation on outcome can often end up with the results of HERE (present moment) not being enough, and THERE being where we’re supposed to be; where the real life begins and where everything is BETTER! With this mindset this moment becomes a means to an end, and the path we are on only matters if it gets us somewhere “worth” arriving at.
We can create our own suffering by refusing to let go of how we think things should be and trying to control the outcome versus being comfortable with uncertainty. We miss out on the wonder of spontaneity and curiosity, both of which support creativity. There’s a concept that CREATIVITY BEGINS WHEN CERTAINTY ENDS.
Do you notice what happens in your body when you are overly focused on where you are going and how quickly you can get there?
Is there tension? Fatigue? Do you disconnect completely from your body intent on getting to your destination? As a yoga teacher, destination addiction can look like someone powering their way through a pose that their body is not currently able to achieve resulting in potential injury. This also shows up in yoga students who only attend fast paced, rigorous yoga asana and miss out the immense benefits , both physically and emotionally of a slower, more inward focused practice.
Oftentimes our thoughts are racing. We sometimes bypass our body signals that we are exhausted or disconnected from ourselves. We’re pulled into the future and achieving whatever goal we’re focused on. There can be tension in the body.
What softens in your body when you allow yourself to let go of an outcome?
Destination Addiction can show up in different areas of our lives; at work and how we judge success there. It shows up in relationships searching for the “Perfect Partner,” and in our own health and healing journeys, when we are never quite healed enough. We can often judge ourselves as not BEING enough or not making enough ”progress.”
When I want to let go outcomes and just be in the moment, spending time in nature is my go to practice. Some of the most profound times in nature are not when I am on a hike with a definitive end point but rather when I am allowing myself to wander and more slowly immersed in my surroundings with curiosity. Experiences such as forest bathing, or finding a sit spot where I return to day after day to be in stillness and just witness what is happening around me allow me to shift my DESTINATION /DOING mindset to my BEING state.
Here are some things to ponder and consider as you think about your own life and the areas where you are striving versus allowing things to unfold.
● How do you inhabit the” not yet?” can you rest with curiosity in not knowing?
● Can your next step be towards becoming versus certainty?
● The quote “not all who wander are lost “ can be helpful here … maybe where you are is enough and there’s not a finish line to be racing towards?
● Instead of rewarding being speedy and fast can you take the long winding way on your next adventure? The sacred detour?
● What if you were to begin something before you feel 100% ready? Maybe you don’t need a perfect plan but just willingness to start. Perhaps let the unknown be part of your practice. Not something you have to fix.
Pema Chodron teaches that our discomfort arises from resisting the fundamental uncertainty and groundlessness of life rather than from the uncertainty itself. We seek to create a sense of stability and control, but this resistance is what causes suffering. She encourages the practice of embracing discomfort and uncertainty as opportunities for growth.
Summer is the season of growth. I wish you many opportunities to witness natures growth as well as your own.